Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Turn Around, Bright Eyes™
E'ery now & then I fall apart!
I wish I could relay to you, dearest readers, how my eyes look and feel right about now. You see, waterproof mascara is not my friend. You know in A Clockwork Orange when they tape the guy's eyes open so that he can't shut out all the horrible images? Well, my eyes are stickily, forcibly propped open wide at the lashes with a new hi-tech industrial-strength formula -- Maybelline SkyHigh Curves™ -- given to me by my infamous cosmetics-giant-employee/former roommate, and I cannot close them. I've got a permanently startled expression on my face and it won't go away.
This came in handy yesterday with the unexpected snowfall and the fact that I just so happened to be crying on & off all day. No, my eyes betrayed no sign of racooning or smudging or the faintest trace of lines gone astray. I walked around outside with my chin up, eyes to the sky, inviting the icy flakes to settle on my lashes, but they were immediately deflected by this powerful chemical proofing. I sat at my desk, crying a river, but when someone appeared in the doorway, in the blink of an eye the tears had magically vanished and my bulgingly bug-like whites, retinas, and corneas stood at attention with utmost clarity.
Which would be all well & good, were the skin around my eyes made of synthetics. But alas, it's possibly the most sensitive surface area of the human body, and it doesn't enjoy being coated with globbily tinting adhesive solution daily and rubbed down with super-potent makeup remover nightly. My eyes face me in the mirror and agonizingly beg me to turn around and look at ye olde tube of beloved Almay Bright Eyes™ chillin' in my makeup case:
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit lonely
and you're never comin' 'round
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my--
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone--
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit terrified
and then I see the look in your--
(turn around, Bright Eyes™!)
every now and then I fall apart!
Okay, eyes, you win. Besides, I've seen a few too many horrific images over the past couple days. I guess I'll go back to the faintly shimmery, brown/black, non-waterproof, washable, straight-up Almay mascara you so yearn for. You know, the kind that allows full ocular movement? That is, if I can remove this impenetrable coat of Maybelline tonight without going blind... or fallin' apart!
This came in handy yesterday with the unexpected snowfall and the fact that I just so happened to be crying on & off all day. No, my eyes betrayed no sign of racooning or smudging or the faintest trace of lines gone astray. I walked around outside with my chin up, eyes to the sky, inviting the icy flakes to settle on my lashes, but they were immediately deflected by this powerful chemical proofing. I sat at my desk, crying a river, but when someone appeared in the doorway, in the blink of an eye the tears had magically vanished and my bulgingly bug-like whites, retinas, and corneas stood at attention with utmost clarity.
Which would be all well & good, were the skin around my eyes made of synthetics. But alas, it's possibly the most sensitive surface area of the human body, and it doesn't enjoy being coated with globbily tinting adhesive solution daily and rubbed down with super-potent makeup remover nightly. My eyes face me in the mirror and agonizingly beg me to turn around and look at ye olde tube of beloved Almay Bright Eyes™ chillin' in my makeup case:
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit lonely
and you're never comin' 'round
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my--
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone--
(turn around!)
every now and then I get a little bit terrified
and then I see the look in your--
(turn around, Bright Eyes™!)
every now and then I fall apart!
Okay, eyes, you win. Besides, I've seen a few too many horrific images over the past couple days. I guess I'll go back to the faintly shimmery, brown/black, non-waterproof, washable, straight-up Almay mascara you so yearn for. You know, the kind that allows full ocular movement? That is, if I can remove this impenetrable coat of Maybelline tonight without going blind... or fallin' apart!
